Passion: Whats yours??

My passion is simply Music it's my life. I love to sing and listen to it. I love to play it on my neglected flute. But sometimes I loose focus and get so off track that nothing can help me but Music. Music always calms me down. Without it I would always be bouncing off the walls. It's my life I eat sleep and breathe it. I hate being told my music is bad or crappy or that I should listen to something more like yours. It's ridicoulous because everybody has a right to listen to whatever makes them happy and nobody can tell me I can't like this artist or that artist. That's jus plain wrong. I can listen to ANY artist or song I want to you it's my i-pod not yours so let it go! Some people don't like certain genres and when they say that it's fine with me but don't take it to the point where you might be saying 'oh your whole i-pod is country or Taylor swift' You may not realize it but that hurts I may have an odd mix of music but that's not a reason to state very inaccurate things or insult someone else's chocie in music! Deal with it if they're putting that music on your ipod fine but learn when to leave well enough alone. Because if all I want to listen to is Taylor Swift it's my problem not yours! And I don't see it as a problem considering Taylor Swift is one of my favorite artists just because you don't like her doesn't mean you have to take it out on me. Music is unique to every indiviual so before telling someone something about their music stop and think 'Could this maybe be offensive or hurtful?

When is enough, enough?

When is enough, enough? I've been pondering this question for quite sometime. It doesn't have an exact answer I figured out that much. But seriously there's a breaking point on every situation you can ever imagine. And I personally have a breaking point and quite recently I have reached and surpassed my breaking point. you can typically tell when I've reached my breaking point because I'll yell at you quite seriously or ignore you. You can't trick me and when I say no once and you ask again I'm gonna blow my top soon. No means no! And just because you ask a couple thousand times doesn't mean I'll tell you. Chances are I'll end up REALLY mad at you because you didn't know when to leave well enough alone. Some secrets can't be told because they aren't yours to tell. And when people say they don't want to tell you don't go pawning around trying to find people to tell you what the secret is. Because then you and your source will be in so much more trouble than normal because you obviously weren't smart enough to know when to leave well enough alone! And it's a complete disrespect to that person because they trusted you not to take it any farther and you did against there better wishes. So from that I concluded enough is enough when someone says No the FIRST time not the one thousandth time where you could possibly cause them to blow their tops. People don't enjoy being pestered or guilted into telling you something they may have not wanted you to know. Enough is when that person says cut it out the FIRST time. If you don't know when to leave well enough alone you obviously don't deserve half the respect these people give you because there's a big difference between being friends and putting up with you. End of story.

Out of Words

Today specifcally I'm finally out of words I have no way to describe how I'm feeling but right now I demand change. I'm sick of putting up with stupid things that can defiently be changed. I don't do anything because the way I see it, it's not my fight when it gets all up in my face then it's my problem but otherwise I try to push it aside. I've climbed over the rock but obviously I'm still helping some people up. It's a steep hill I'll give you that but with a little help from your friends and a blast of unstoppable courage it can be done. I know some people have it harder than others and when it becomes personal to me I fight back. And if I fall once and a while I don't cry and beg people to pull me up. I jump to my feet ready for anything else that hits me. My life defiently hasn't been perfect or the best. Do I regret things I did or didn't do? Of course I do but would I want to go back in time and change them? I would actually love to but then chances are I wouldn't be where I am today. Unlike some people I love my life I wouldn't change it for anything. I worked hard to get where I'm at to earn the respect I get from others. You can't just expect everybody has to like you for who you are because that my friend is VERY untrue. I earned everything I have by respecting and being nice to even the people I hate so much I might rip their head's off some day. I never cryed and whined begging for attention that I often didn't want. I like to talk and I'm outgoing but I feel more comfortable around some people than others. If I really needed to could I have a civiled conversation with someone I didn't feel comfortable with? Of course I'm open to whatever life throws at me and I take it as it comes. I like the attention I get on the stage singing or acting because that's what I love to do. Doing what I love is important to me and keeping sticking to my commitments and values is also important to me. All I want is for people to want this much needed change as much as I do and want to enough to actually do something. I know sometimes it can be hard but would you rather get lost in the woods and stay lost or call for help so you can go home. Admitting things about anything isn't a sign of weakness it's a sign of strength showing your willing to do what's needed to be done at any cost. Unfortunately things don't always work out as you or I plan but what's important to know is you have to be willing to mess everything up in order to make everything better.

It takes time

Nothing happens over night you don't grow two feet or age 5 years but in turn time does move fast. Only time can heal a broken heart. My heart and the folds of my friendship are mending are they completely fixed? Absolutely not. It'll take time for my friends to regain my trust and earn back my respect. Because no matter how hard you try scars can't be erased they are there forever. I'll never forget the hurt I experienced when I saw how I was constantly being left out. I believed my friends no longer wanted me and no longer cared. I would sit in my bedroom some nights and cry myself to sleep I was so distraught. I began to pull away and turn to friends who did seem care. The friends that hurt me just never seemed to realize the seriousness of their decisions. At this point they still have much to gain back because there's only certain people I forgive on the spot. Have I forgiven them? When i think about it I really haven't forgiven them it still really hurts and it will take a lot of time for me to get over it. Will I be the same person I was before? I won't. I learn from my experiences and evolve from them. I've learned how to be happy and accept what I have. I've learned that I can't keep everything hidden anymore. I've learned how not to let certain things hurt me. And finally I've partially learned how to move on. I've learned so many things that I'll keep with me always and I've met people I'll never forget, people who have in my eyes helped mold who I am and who I'm yet to become.

Inspiration

"We weren't sisters by birth but I knew from the start God put us together to be sisters at heart." A couple years back one of my really good friends told me that quote and when I heard it I kept it safe in my heart where it lives. It make me think of many of my friends but one friend especially. The way I often described her was that only girl that could understand me without words. After everything I went through with her I defiently learned the most about our friendship this year. And I learned a lot about myself. Like how hard it is for me to hear the word 'overeact'. That word brings up awful memories of the times I tried to tell my friends something was wrong but they never listened never registered anything was wrong or that I was trying to tell them something important. After hearing that word I always felt it harder to hold back tears. And when this occurred I began pulling away more and more searching for people who truly understand my words. But I began pulling back the instant tragedy struck. I finally admitted what was hurting me and in turn they registered all this and apologized. Realizing their faults. But I became distand with one person not because of anything we did but because of the ever present wedge being forced inbetween us. We're defiently getting better making progress. And I look forward to the day where we can use our combined strength to force the wedge out.

Progress

I would be lying if I said that thus far nothing has been at least partially fixed. So progress has been happening. Some people still haven't chosen their sides while others have come to an understanding and chosen. But thankfully everything has managed to come to a simple simmer making the atmosphere really light and finally some what peaceful. For once everything is falling into place I may find a puzzle piece that doesn't fit from time to time but now that is easily fixed. I personally have learned to except my surrondings and the people in my life that make it special. I owe those people a lot because for a while they were my life rafts I depended upon them for survival. For those of you who know me, know that being either really loud or really quiet makes me the odd, extremely independent, kooky, spazy person I am. So depending on others isn't all that much like me. At that point in time I felt let down, unaware of anything but my problems. I was so lost and they were the only people that could lead me back to shore. I trusted them and in return they never betrayed me. So when I find myself sitting in a corner of my bedroom crying my eyes out I stop and seee how I simply just need to find their guidance once again and the weight of the world on my shoulders vanishes.

Fun and Games

I personally love to play gmaes but is it pssible to take a game too far? Have you ever taken a game too far? Said just one thing that pushed the limit? I can't recall a time where I did that but I know how it feels. Lately I've been told I should open up more comminucate. This is I totally agree with but is going to take some getting used to. Because I remember when I tied to tell them something was wrong they always told me I was overeacting. Never stopping to register what I was actually saying. In my own way I was telling them something was wrong. But they never listened. So I confinded in other people who actually listened to me. And these are the people I trust and respect most. The people who listen even when they know I'm going to tell one of my stories again. I guess now after my couple days back at school that I'm done I feel like I haven't seen one of my friends even though we sit at the same lunch table. In a way I'm avoiding some of my problems by waiting for others to take action. I have to admit that I'm still VERY angry but part of me has moved on because I realize the more it gets to me the more it hurts me. I'm forfitting! It's not worth it anymore. Because I'd rather surrond myself with those who know how to navigate through a storm than people who continusly get me lost. I want friends that make chocies that DON'T hurt the people around them.