Tuesday, January 12, 2010


I have always thought of friends as people you would go to great lengths to protecvt but over the course of this school year I have learned a lot about friendship. I've learned what it means to be a good friend, and which battles are worth fighting and which aren't. Although I have also learned how hard it is to give up friends you despartely care about. One example I must share is one of my interenal battles. I have one friend that I care about and would do anyhting for but suddenly I have to be something I'm not for her just so I can live up to her standards. She's defiently not the person I know. Although now and then I seee her again she never stays long enough so that I can hold on and never let go. I can NEVER get a word in when she's around. I would love to stop being friends with her and see how she takes it but I know that would cause way more of a problem within our group than there already is. Everybody except one person notices how distant we've been lately but only I see what really keeps us part I won't tell anyone what that is because I'm afraid that they'll be mad at me even though therese more to it then just what I would say in one word. What hurts me most is that I suffer everyday and just put on a happy face and act as though I'm not screaming on the inside. Friends are also people you trust with your life and out of all my friends I only trust 3 of them 3! All I want at this point is for someone to LISTEN to me, to pull awat the mask that holds me back and show me what I'm not seeing.

Just Joking

Has anybody ever siad something hurtful and then said just joking? Have you noticed that even when they say this it doesn't take away the hurt that it leaves you feeling. I personally hate it when people do this because sometimes it just isn't funny and some people just don't get that. If someone does this tell them um that really isn't funny never apologize because YOU didn't do ANYTHING. people who do this often aren't aware of what they're saying. Well some are theres nothing you can do about that so just ao what is possible for you. Anyway joking is fun sometimes but you must always take into fact that it may be offensive to some people.

Monday, January 11, 2010


Have you ever thought of yourself as mature and then look back to see what you've done? A lot of my friends say that they're mature comparing themselves to other people. I disagree with them on some occasions because do YOU see mature as screaming "EWWW!!!" when milk spills into your friends lap? Or even the flinging of one quarter sized drop across the table by accident. During these times you wonder is this girl seriously 13 years old or is she really like seven? Cause I recall a good MATURE friend offering to help clean up the mess I just made as a 13 year old. People who are cruel and for some reason permantely etched in your brain are not mature. People who handle things with dignity and grace are truly mature people in my eyes. It's all in the way you handle each stiuation that matters.


Most all of you have probaly heard the ruth and the truth alone will set you free. I've always thought that to be ture due to the fact that things seem to get better when you tell the truth or even just face up to your actions. Without truthfulness our world would be absoulutely nothing. We cannot run our world on lies because then there is no trust which would be a lot like trying to walk on water. Truth is the foundation of everything around us if you hadn't noticed. I can list just about a million things depend on truth for survival healthy relationships, good friendships, successful governments, happy careers you get the picture! I've had a hard time with friends lately cause they've been trying to convince me to walk on water and except the crappy excuses and lies they feed me. I am the type of person who is dependent on truth in my life because I especially need it therefore I get fed up when people feed me excues and lies. Truth may never actually physically set you free but will always leave you feeling just a little bit lighter


How many times have you been given a second chance by anyone? Have you ever thought that you could run out of chances? I've given out soo many chances never thinking of the impression I would make. People just think that they can be like please please forgive me and they have an automatic ticket back into my life. But lately I've been getting sick of it. I've had ENOUGH and will no longer give out chances to people who don't deserve my prescense. I may seem a bit conceited when saying this but wouldn;t yuou when someone has literally been ripping out your heart and stepping on it for longer than I can remeber? Some people deserve chance and others don't because osme are willing to prove themselves well others just want in so they can cause you more pain.


Have you ever gotten an excuse that seems well like a lie?Therse absolutely no good reason behind it? I personally hate these and can see right through them. They bother me in the sense that I don't understand how a close friend in my cas can lie straight out to your face. I believe that excuses are just right out lies since they have NO good reasoning to support them. In my mind therefore they are straight out lies! Nothing good comes from them I personally ended a friendshi[ interaily because of them. I'm also in the midst of doing that again because of them. People you care about should never make excuses without good reasons otherwise they are not worthy of you or your respect.

Saturday, January 9, 2010


Have yo ever thought how amazing it would be to live forever? See everything throughout history? I've always thought immortailty was overated becayse what good does it do you to live forever what beneifits do you gain from it? I have always wanted a nice full life and to eventually die and take my rightful place in heaven and finally find out what my purpose is here on earth. You've all probaly heard of the undieing vampires that are always mad to look amazing when really all you would live would be a life full of torture and anxiousness knowing that you'll never die even when the world ends and you'll have no place to go. Althougn many of you who knows me knows that my daily dreams/wants are quite simple. I don't have some hug extravagant life planned for myself ahead. I just want to let life take it's toll like it's supposed to. I want to experenice many things that's for sure but if I don't I won't be worried because I know that dreaming was overrated anyway.

Brand Names

Have you ever noticed the labels commonly worn in modern day society are always modeled by perfect flaw free people. I say what's wrong with being imperfect taking risks, having fun ,and making mistakes. They give girls a wrong sense of what role models should be. They should be people who aren't thwarted by pwoplw who feel free speaking their mind or even looking a little or a lot different. I say why not live outside the box, enjoy yourself, make mistakes and learn from them. Enjoy life and NEVER let it harm you in any emotinal way. If I had a second chance I would probaly still go back and make all the same mistakes because unlike models I live to be myself not some false sense of imperfect perfection.


Have you ever wanted that star on tv excepting that grammy or world class trophy to be you living in that so called glamorous life of luxury? I think although they are good at what they do and I have every respect for them in the world that it is a tad bit overated. Look at the glamour they have is it really all that much fun or would you get tired of it eventually? Everything runs it's course that's for sure! Whether it be a trend, a singer, a song or a guy. Most things aren't meant to last forever like many people have said all good things must eventually come to end. Which I totally agree with. These people are made to look glamourous and most of them don't always fell that way no matter how good they look or how cute the dree they wear is.


Have you ever stopped to listen to your friends? ask questions? or relate? stopped to listen for just one minute? That's all I ever wanted from a friend that stoped to listen to your side even with their prelogged idea set in their brain. I realized through this that not everybody has the same sense of maturity despite their age. Because some people don't take into account how one thing or another qill make that person feel. For example some people have the maturity of a ten year old where everything HAS to be about them stomping on peoplw along the way not caring at all about what they just did. Then there are others who have the maturity of a bored middle aged man just passing everything by taking life nonchalantly. Making everyday seem effortless in response to others hard work. I found some true friends through the process of understanding which I believe is truly miraculous although it sometimes leaves you hanging where you have to make your own decisions and choose your own path.

Smart or Stupid?

You've all probaly heard the terms book-smart, people-smart and street-smart. I've pondered this a while thinking about what excatly they mean. Anything that you think they should be. I thought long and hard about comaring book-smart guys to non book-smart guys fo reasons not released at the moment. I finally realized from my cousin pointing this out that book-smarts don't matter when you have the right guy. When choosing things like this not all thing matter in reality. Because reality is a world more truthful and brutally honest then the worlds we have made for ourselves within the thinking chambers of our heads. I believe despite any of things we all manage to make so pretty stupid descisons sometimes making me think that we all take on decison making a similar manor. I far as I am concerned about any of this fate controls everything that happens to us but chocies control everything that happens for us


Have you ever wondered what you need to be happy sometimes? Well the answer is simple you don't NEED anything! Happiness is simply the thing that brightens your day and makes you see the truth of each situation even the ones that can suck away the happiness. I've always lived by the fact that it's better to live your life happy and memorably than miserable and unforgiveable. That's one of the few keys to happiness within each indivual. Forgiveness shows your willingness to cap and throw away things that ruin your day such as fights or rude/nasty comments. One of my keys is defiently laughter meaning also that the thing that I love in a guy is his ability to make me laugh or merely crack a smile once and a while! Which brings me back to another place that happiness plays a key factor which is defiently in healthy relationships. The ability to make each other happy is key. If you see someone down turn that frown upside down bring some happiness to that persons life therefore take healthy risks!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Being Judgemental

I know it's something you hear everyday ! I have a differnet take on it though. For most of my life I have always been looked at as that quiet girl. When if you get to know me good know that once I start I never stop talking. I'm quite cleve although some people would object. One day I just go sick of it and decided to break out my shell decideding that sometimes my needs have to come first in a friendship. I was always the little girl who befriended the chatty outgoing type of person in another girl. So when I was little I played with most of the guys cause if you haven't noticed they are just a tad bit easier to be around although they can have a strong opionion on the way girls do thing sometimes. So people will claim my life was easy as if they were my sibling. Which is not true and sometimes hurtful because they argue this when you have only known them since seventh grade for example. I personally have to admit that I judge people too out in the street at school whispering to myself something like loser or werido or looks nice. I can't recall a time where it had ever mattered until I met one of my closet friends many times before I had written her off as a werido and she had written me off as a snob which is how some people see me within my world. This is because some people just don't know the strength of a true girl holding herself high so that she can stay strong even with the unending strom she battles everyday. Which makes me think of the three most influnetial people in my life one person a lot of people I know would never believe but although right now she means nothing to me she did one day and will always hold a special place in my heart. I claim that she made me who I am today a girl of far too many words. I got off topic but when one thing leads to another there is no stopping it!

Girls Only (srry)

I want to know how all you girls take on the guys in your school the bad ones, good ones, Hunks , Jerks, Losers you name it! Maybe you could share about your love life if you feel comfortable. Your worst experinces most horrifing things that may have been bad and turned out good whatever gets that strong girl inside you pumped up about just being a girl. My social studies teacher always tells our class that girls are better and thats a fact of life! I'd love to her from you peeps who are reading !


How many of you have been in a sticky situation? Where your friends pressure you to do something whether it be bad or good and your just not so sure. Your doubting yourself as well as your friends and are just stumped on what do. for example the other day my friend asked me a question that I still haven't come up with answer to yet. Some things just take time, well others take merely minutes. I can honestly tell you I still don't have an answer I think about it constantly as if the question were fresh in my mind. I like look at all the angles personally but I want to know how you make chocies that influence your life. Preferablly the time taking ones but it doesnt matter to me I'm not picky!