tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51954959201936307432024-02-07T00:02:27.828-08:00Love Yourself For Who You AreI'm not the typical person that will come out and say excatly what's wrong. But when I write I feel free and I'm not afraid of what people will say and what they think of me. It makes me feel free even when I'm tyed down even when I'm bleeding on the insideDelanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-35417085494698420172011-05-11T16:09:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:28:37.304-07:00Save Your HeartAll day I've had my favorite song stuck in my head and I'm slightly annoyed by it. But I can't stop thinking about what i means to me. And who it means to me. By the way the song is Save Your Heart by Mayday Parade and in case you haven't heard it I'll put it up on my youtube bar. Anyways it's an amazing song and who it made me think of surprised me a lot. I mean I always knew that deep down I had some feelings for him but I never thought this song of such meaning would make me think of him. Would make the feelings come up, from the seep down. The whole thing I just can't stop thinking about. Yes I'm still young so no I don't know who really is the one and I kinda want to stay young for a while. But that is kinf of what the song is about just so you know. Either way I now find myself emotionally attached to this kid that I want nothing to do with. All day I've been in an undetected romatically emotional mood. It wasn;t extremely hard core, so it's extremely curable so it can be cured within a couple days time. But still you always wonder, why your heart came up with that as a reference. Why it picked him.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-67361378805454930542011-05-11T15:43:00.000-07:002011-05-13T13:28:37.561-07:00New BeginningsHave you ever had to restart in a new place, you knew nobody. Your chances of surviving were well 1 out of 99. Very slim. The people who go into situations with this mindset are going to have that outcome. I mean my word isn't law so it isn't guranteed but go into anything with a positive attitude and you'll at least get close to winning. Not everybody is good at making new friends, this is true. But even I once thought that I was bad at it, but now that I come to realize it, making friends is easy, what makes it hard is being nervous or forgetting we have a voice and we forget who we really and truly are. When your in a new place it's no lie to say it's easier to try to fit in with everybody else, then just be yourself. But the way I see it people you respect you more when you're you, a real person. But then again in high school there is so real respect. I wish there was. Respect is such an important part of a relationship between friends or between anybody. It doesn't matter everybody should respect each other. That's what new beginnings are about, a clean slate, nobody knows you, nobody knows what you're known for. You could be anything you wanted to be. We don't get chances like these often and some of us never will.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-53902721613289148262011-02-22T18:33:00.000-08:002011-02-22T18:34:40.343-08:00My Prize FinallyFor the majority of the winter I’ve been miserable beyond belief. Miserable enough to think about dying. Miserable enought to consider many insane things. All because no one in my world had any respect for anybody else. And therefore I have a couple of people i want to thank for my winter downfall, (No name 1 and 2) you’ve won the prize for making me miserable. Congrats. No name 1 out of all the people in my life that have disappointed me the most you’re now on top. You have it in you to be one of the biggest bitches I’ve ever met. Trust me I’ve seen it. You beat me down until I felt so badly about myself I spent a whole morning on the bus debating with myself whether or not suicide was the best option. That’s not something I would want to be remembered for. But you did it anyway you sat in my car and listened to my stories or rather didn’t listen as retold so maybe that time you’d hear it. But if I remember correctly you never did. I don’t know about you but that makes me feel worse than shit because not only does it show me that you don’t respect me in anyway but it also shows me that you don’t care about anybody except yourself. Because if you did you’d work up the courage to listen whether or not you wanted to. That’s what I do for you all the time I might not be in the mood but I listen anyway because I do care and I know how it makes a person feel, I know what it bring a person to. And No name 2 I have no real indepth long story about what you did, but I wish when I came head to head with you I’d been in a better place in my life because I wouldn’t have let you walk all over me like I did. And all I have to say to you is You don’t know at all so just stop pretending like you do. And stop pretending like you know everything and I don’t matter. Because last time I checked you don’t know shit about me and you don’t know what I know, and what I’m capable of. But either way you didn’t have any right to do what you did and you still don’t. And I’m so glad basketball season is over because now all I really have to do is make it through the banquet which shouldn’t be hard since I made it through the whole season and look I’m still alive. But this weekend I got to go to the movies with some friends who actually wanted to spend time with me, and I came back feeling better than I had in weeks maybe months. I can’t thank you danielle and catie enough for that. It was a lot of fun that I hadn’t had in a long, long while. I for now am restored to truly happy bubbly Anissa. And for now nobody’s gonna bring me down thanks to my friends who got through this without even knowing it. I love you guys <3
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<br />Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-83787533316207213202011-01-05T17:35:00.001-08:002011-01-05T17:39:33.779-08:00MineIn the beginning<br />I scoffed and I mocked you<br />I loved you, yet I hated you <br />I wanted nothing to do with you<br /><br />You had only eyes for me <br />But I ended up being the girl<br />Who smashed your face to the ground<br /><br />I was pretty<br />I was smart <br />I was nice<br />And I was funny <br /><br />But I was too good to be true<br />You loved me and I burned you and broke you down<br />And now I wish I could undo it allDelanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-45011948796379872302011-01-05T17:32:00.000-08:002011-01-05T17:34:33.124-08:00MLSGreen eyes like grass<br />muscles like a rock<br /><br />My world<br />My heart<br />MY hand in yours<br /><br />Your kiss on my lips<br />Your electric touch on my skin<br /><br />My best friend<br />My worst enemy<br />My favorite person<br /><br />And finally mine<br />I call that loveDelanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-36889972809965138312010-12-31T20:58:00.000-08:002011-01-04T13:46:19.151-08:00Thanks 20102010 as a whole really wasn't half bad. Sure I have my regrets but doesn't everybody? I've learned a lot about life, love and friends. I'm growing closer to learning who I am. And I'm growing closer to cracking the mystery's of my past. I would say that it's just another year gone by but that would be such a lie. It's been so much more than a year. It's been a journey, and a battle for so many things. I'm getting closer to becoming a year older and with that brings more wisdom, maturity and responsibility. I'm no longer a child but I'm not yet an adult. It's a hard place to be stuck but you end up learning a lot. It's offically come to a year that I've had this blog and it's finny to look back at the things that plagued me this time last year. Because those same things barely make me blink an eye now. I've become stronger and harder. I've figured out the things that effect me so much. Things that I never thought did. You find out you (me) have major trust issues because of your cousin. I'm not yet done battling her, yes it's quited for now but with her there is always a nect time. But I'm looking forward to the resolutions that i have come to. So now you need to hear about them. The first resolution I've come to is that I have to start putting aside my prejudices and excepting people for who they are. The second resolution is to try harder to be nicer, no matter who the person is everybody deserves a fair chance to see my kindness. My third and final resolution is that I need to stop trying to prove myself, to prove that I'm experiemce. I don't need to prove anything to anybody. I can just be me. And well I guess I kind of have a fourth but I guess it goes without saying, just be myself. Who I aa. I'm still trying to figure that out. But 2010 is a year worth remembering. And I intend to remember it. 2011 will bring new things, things I've never even dreamed of happening. So I"m looking forward to another year full of memories and lessons learned. So thanks 2010 for everything you've given me. <br />Love, AnissaDelanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-1098492539650534302010-12-25T14:12:00.000-08:002011-01-04T14:03:31.545-08:00Oh myHave you ever gotten to a point in your life where somethings wrong and you just can't seem to tell yourself what. I've pushed aside. I've pretended. I've cryed. But yet I still don't know excatly what's wrong. I can list you all the things I think are wrong but none of them seem right. I can cry a million more tears and still not know what's wrong. I feel gulity, I feel hated, I feel frightened, I feel insecure. I feel a million more things too. Now I'm not helpless I'm making it through, even when it feels so hard that I'd much rather die. I have to keep going because in these times you know that if you just push through they'll be a light at the end of the tunnel. And no i'm not suicidal not about to even attempt to kill myself. So don't even get that idea. But when I sit down with all my emotions sometimes it's too much the worst thing I do is cry and maybe clean but other than that there is nothing more I can do. I can't confront a problem because I don't have one that I can see. I love my life that's no lie. And at the same time I wish I could've lived a different life that's no lie either. I don't lie or at least I try hard not to. Which is what makes wonder what excatly it is that makes me feel gulity. Maybe it was something I said that I wish I didn't or maybe it was something I though. But either way I feel it and I can't take it back whatever I did. When I look at all my friends I have to be truthful I see nothing but love, and respect. But lately I just can't help but seem to feel so hated, like someone's hiding something from me. Like something's bothering someone who's close to me and it's about me. I'm beginning to be scared of the future, what change the future might bring. I mean everything's gonna change in life at one point but I just get so frightened of my whole world crashing down and burning. I feel insecure and like I'm helpless although I'm not. I feel like I've lost all my courage. Like I've lost everything I am. I know that I haven't but yet I simply cannot stop myself from feeling that way. Life is a battle and it isn't over until the day we die. I'd rather be killed in battle than be killed by my emotions and I refuse to let my emotions take over.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-13802072659558481522010-12-20T12:03:00.000-08:002011-01-04T14:59:01.145-08:00Dear GodI've never been the most faithful person as far as going to church and such goes. But I've always had such strong faith in the workings of God. I believe that he's always with me one way or another and the time I feel his precense the most is around christmas. For me christmas is so much differnt it's about giving and not how much you spend or the gift you give but the fact that your gave them a gift to begin with. That you cared about them enough to give them a gift. I try so hard every year to get all my closet friends just a little something even if it isn't much. Because I know a little kindness goes a long way. But at this point don't we all? This year money has kind of been a crunch for me. And it's really simply just my fault I spent my money on stupid things I didn't really need instead of thinking of the others around me. I give everybody a little something every year even if it isn't much but I know how much it means this time of year. And as far as religion goes for me I think sort of strangely I guess you could say. I don't like to believe that jesus exists really I mean I except the belief but I refuse to believe it. But I just want one person that I can't see to worry about one person I can connect to ya know? And for me there's only one God and he doesn't have kids. But I believe so strongly in my faith and believe that he's there up there somewhere listening to my prayers. I believe everything's better when you open your doors and your heart to love of God. He knows you better than anyone and he's only you can totally trust without any question. He's knows all the answer's to life's greatest questions. And he's there so all those questions eventually have answers. I've never really though about it another way. And I really don't think I need to. I have my faith and that's all there really is to it for me. I'm the kinda person who believes so strongly in things and will fight anybody who argues against it until the ends of the earth. But I'm guessing most of you already know that. I don't like to be told things are wrong, or bad when it's really only a matter if opinon. That's the way I see it whether it be your cellphone service or your taste in music it's all really the same. And it's all really based on nothing but opinons. I love what I love my music, my hair, and my faith. I love them all and never ever want to change them. And I never want to be argued about my opinon. That is defiently my biggest pet peeve. Anyways I love my faith and believe it so strongly. Thanks so much God for simply being there when I needed you.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-27904392051642778462010-12-06T18:24:00.000-08:002010-12-18T13:30:45.589-08:00Painted out of the PictureAt the beginning of the summer I told myself this would be the summer of my life. I assumed you and I were still close. But I was so wrong. I was nothing to you anymore. But of course I didn't know that. It made me think maybe you didn't want to be friends with me either, but you didn't have the guts to tell me. Did you know that we're judged all by the choices we make rather than the person we actually are. Your reputation is made up of the choices you make. And I hate to break it to you, but this time you chose wrong. I'm never going to be able to look at you the same way again. But I guess I knew this long before, this happened we weren't walking paths that intersected anymore. It was too late, there was no reset button, no magic fix it buttin. There was no way to fix it at all. We both knew that but we just couldn't bring ourselves to face that reality. Our friendship was done and long past over. We both knew it too. And now I wish I had told myself the truth. Maybe I didn't because I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let go of the past because the future seemed so uncertain. But the truth is it's always been like that but in this instant I didn't see a future for you and me. So I held on as tight as I could. But that just made it harder to let fo. I'd love to tell you all it ended in a clean break. But it simply didn't. Our break was jaged. It has many cracks and now there are pieces missing. We can never be fit together in the same way again. Our frienship is just too broken to ever be fixed. Our picture is just too faded. When I look back at the memories you've given me, the good and the bad, I wouldn't want them any other way. You have helped me be who I am now and I thank you for that. No matter how much I loath you now. To be truthful. I don't hate you, I could never hat you, but I don't respect who you are now. I always thought I knew you, but now your not you. There's something missing, some tiny little glitch, and it's not my job to fix it. No matter how much I want to, but I can't, it's not my problem. Your no longer part of my picture. Sometimes I question if you ever really were. But then I look back and see the picture with the little white blob where your face used to be. Where you were painted out of my picture. Sweetie I hate to break it to you but it works both ways. The thing about pictures is there's nothing you can hide everything is there in your smile, everything shows in your eyes. And pictures are made of paper so you can smply rip them down the middle and be done with it. That's kind of like what you did except you didn't want to ruin your perfect world with something as messy as ripping. So you simply painted over me and that's really all there was to it.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-7285454684093710782010-12-02T17:10:00.000-08:002011-01-04T14:46:05.319-08:00The ClimbAlthough most people don't like Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana when you really listen to her music it means something and it says something about her or her character. I haven't really done research to see if she actually wrote her songs. But my favorite is defiently "The Climb" it tells you a lot about life. Life wasn't made to be easy or one smooth path, there are so many different rocky, uneven paths that we'll all take to get to the top of that mountain. The top of the moutain will always be so close, but just a tiny bit out of reach until the day we die. That's how life was made to be. Life's a climb but the view's great. Which means in the end your life was worth it and you don't regret anything. The way that songs looks at life is reality. Life is something you must work for and hiding and keepign secrets from the ones you love won't get you anywhere. It taxes you and makes life so much harder than it needs to be. It's like trying to climb up the side of the mountain but there's a big smooth bolder in the way clearly blocking your path, you can't go over it, you can't go under it, you can't go around it, and well you can't go through it. So that leaves you with what choice? Turn around and go home? Is that even an option in life? In life when there's no solution you don't give up, you should never give up. You just keep fighting. No matter what even your set up to lose and you know you will. I'd rather die fighting for what I wanted or what I thought was right, then die not trying to win the endless game of life. Is that life really is? A game? I guess for some people it is but for me, I look at life with many, many analogys and I guess a game is one of them. But the difference is games end. But life doesn't. I mean ya we die but it takes a lot longer for us to die then a game takes to be played. The similarites between games and life are the fact that you won't always win or be winning. It won't always be your turn to go, your turn to shine. You won't always be able to make the choices for yourself or call your own shots. In life there never really is an always and a never. Everything in life comes with a someimes because we don't always get to decide what happens, and when it happens, what other people say and do. And all the things like that. Life is uncertain and it always will be that way. It's easier to experience what we can then to hid ourselves from the world around us, from the opprtunites that are waiting for us the minute we walk out our front door.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-76659659507098022492010-12-02T13:38:00.000-08:002010-12-02T17:09:56.923-08:00If OnlyIf only you had told me the truth, I wouldn't be sitting here wondering what else you've lied to me about. If only you had told me the truth it would've saved me some pain and hurt I find myself feeling. I would tell you to your face but one look into your twinkling eyes and I would forgive you in a heart beat. And for the facet that I don't like to fight and I don't like drama. But how could you think I wouldn't find out. How do you think I feel now? You are one of the best friends I've ever had but now I wonder where your loyalties lie? You see how that works? One wrong move and your whole existence is questioned. Does that seem right? Does that seem fair? Truthfully it never is but it's simply the price you pay. Millions of questions are flying through my mind. Questions I would never dare ask you. Was our friendship ever real, ever true? Who matters more me or him? These are the questions that burn in my mind the questions that I'll always desperatly want an answer to. And the questions everybody would ask Why did you do it? And What did I ever do to deserve this? Most of the time the answer is nothing. Nobody ever deserves to question their existence or anybody else's for that matter. People will always be in your life either to make it or break it, it's simply that even though that's the name of my all time favorite TV show. But it's a true fact of life. Right now whether I want to admit it or not I'm struggling with what, I don't know yet. That's the hardest part. I don't know what I'm struggling with. And I don't know how to get it out, whether it be on paper of some method. But you should know lately I'll turn to a blank sheet of paper and the words just don't come and I don't have the time to wait for them to come. I anticipated a huge writer's block during the duration of the summer but never did I think it would feel like this. That a part of myself would feel so empty without that writing. Writing to me is more than just words on paper. To me writing is about knowing what's going on inside your head. It's knowing youselfDelanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-23233400824324157212010-11-01T12:16:00.000-07:002010-11-01T12:36:44.649-07:00The Bigger PictureSometimes life seems great and wonderful to you but you step back and take a look at the bigger picure and the world is in tears it's raining and pouring. Everybody around you is living in poverty well you living in a manison on a hill. Not even being the good person and sharing your wealth with the people who aren't as fortunate. You see your friends sitting at the bottom of the hill sitting inbetween their little shacks enjoying a rolld of bread together. Because that's all they have left. They look aboslutely miserable, you climb down to try to understand. You get to the bottom and they all look up at you with those cold, sad, eyes realizing that your only passing through to steal their bread or destroy their shacks the idea of you coming to apologize or even try to understand is crazy. You look down at them again and speak asking "What Happed?". But again they only look up at you with the same cold, sad eyes, but this time they're full of wet shiny tears. They look away and you have no idea what to make of it. You climb back up the hill feeling like someone has stuck a needle just a tiny bit into your heart not enough so your in deathly pain but enough that you feel a pinch that will not go away. You've stepped back into your portion of the picture. I can't make you understand or make you see my picture. I can only show you what you want to see and nothing more. I can't make you see the outcome of your decisions or the tears cried because of you. I can only make you see what you want to. I can't undig the hole you've dug so deeply and I can't go back and change the things you've done. I can't make you see the bigger picutre. I can only do what people like me do sit here and let the pain and sorrow build up while I put on a smile that is fake to cover up the pain. I'm really sorry because I understand now. I understand the pain you've felt. And now I know that you can't truly understand something unless you've felt their pain. Until you've understood their sorrow. I'd never expect you to understand what you can't see. Everyday we choose the path we're going to take and everyday the path either changes or continues. Our lives aren't decided for us. We've got control whether we're 14 or 40 we ALWAYS have a choice. Take a look at the bigger picture before you draw a final conclusion or get mad at your friend for being angry with you. Set into their shoes and walk around for a while you may learn a lot and it may lead you to understand.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-22495504528795668392010-09-21T15:29:00.000-07:002010-09-30T15:27:57.853-07:00What I realize nowI realize that you should never care what other people think. Their statement, judgement, or opinion isn't law so why must you go by it? Who cares what people think. They're only one person in the billions of people populating our planet. Why should their opinion count more than someone elses? Whats so special about them anyways? I realize that we're capable of anything if we tell ourselves we can do it. And I'm not joking. All we really need to do is believe that we can do it. Let go of all our greatest fears and just believe. Believe in ourselves and our capability to do just about anything we set our minds to. I accomplished one of my greatest fears. And after I did it I thought "wow that really wasn't as hard as I made it seem!". I realize that it's okay to lose yourself every once and a while. It's okay. Sometimes losing yourself is just what you need to get back on the track you wanna be on. I realize that you only get one chance at everything in life. Second chances are rare. I always wonder if I'll be blessed to have a second chance at the things I messed up. The things that aren't too late to fix. I was lucky enough to be able to patch up my life to recreate what I needed that I had lost. I always thin about how not everybody gets to be that lucky. What happens to the people who can't patch up their lives? Are those the people that end up commiting sucide? I don't really have a complete answer to that question. But I know I was lucky beyond my wildest dreams. And that I might never get another chance like that. But I except that. I except the challenge we are all faced with. I realize now just how lucky I've been to have been touched by so many people. So many friends. The opprotunites my life's been given and the battles I was honored to fight in. The battles that I don't regret fighting. I realize how much of my life I regret the decisions I made, the people I decided to trus, and the people I pushed away. I wish I could've experienced life more and broken out of my protective shell and well lived a little! If only I had known who I'd be now then I'd probaly be in for the shock of my life! Because I was quiet and contained! And well look at me now. Well I've sure learned a lot over the years and I hope to learn much more. Every year older is a year wiserDelanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-51989795311789788702010-08-27T06:09:00.000-07:002010-09-21T15:29:35.325-07:00Listening to Your HeartWe often find ourselves ignoring our hearts maybe because our minds are more important or because we really don't care what our hearts have to say. Either way it's constant whispers are often being neglected. I started to listen to my heart in 5th grade I remember that day excatly. I was walking up the soccer field lightly tapping my ball between my feet walking to my brother's soccer practice across the field. I looked around me and saw a guy, my age, in my class sitting on the field with 2 of his friends. I suddenly heard him whisper to his friends something about me being bad at dribbling. I was intended to hear it. And you probaly know this kid: short, dark-haired, extremely annoying must I say more? Well anyway that was the day I first heard my heart speaking to me. And the day my life changed forever. I was beginning to lose my innocence bit by bit. Slowly but surely. There was no stopping it now. I suddenly transformed into a giggly little school girl with my best friend and sidekick. It was picture perfect. But it could only last so long. The school year came to a close and so did that phase of my life. I barely talked to him after that even everyday that summer when I saw him at my pool club. Everything we had died. It was as simple as that. At the beginning I longed for everything back and sometimes still do. I miss what we had but I know now that I can live without him. Or maybe I found people along the way to patch up the holes he left behind. But then I met another who patched up all the holes but in turn cause one to hurt. He's one that now I simply cannot get over. No matter what I do. No matter what I try. I can't get him out of my head. I don't care if my guy psyic says I have no chance because he doesn't like me back. Because I know in my heart that's not true. I see that little annoying glitter in his eye when I walk by him in the hallway. I see when we catch eyes in class and we both snap our eyes away each of us afraid that the other will see deeper than the surface. And see what we both try so hard to hide. But I have to say he does an awful job of hiding it. Probaly due to the fact that most of the time he manages to be a total idiot. But for some reason I just can't manage to give up on him. I keep listening to my heart and my heart refuses to let go of him no matter what. So as long as my heart says so I won't give up. Sometimes listening to your heart is beneifical and other times it isn't. But living by what your heart says gets you farther than your head alone will. A quick warning to those who may doubt these very words : Sometimes your heart can be wrong.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-58165330734912778272010-08-26T20:22:00.000-07:002010-08-26T20:48:40.711-07:00Building A WallBy the time septemeber hit it was too late I had spent all summer collecting materials for my wall. Construction was beginning. By the end of october the wall was finished and I was stuck behind it by my choosing. I was sick of people ruining my life and playing with my heart. So I made the decision to put up the wall to keep them out. All I had left for communication was a little slot 1 brick high and 2 bricks wide. I didn't think to bring anything to keep me alive. I had nothing.And the whole time I was there I blamed myself. I don't think that I would've survived without the love from my friends that could still reach me. The love that was endlessly pouring through my small little slot. And the very few people who could make the wall disappear for a moment in time so they could visit me. But it only lasted so long and then I was alone again. It's fair to say I spend a good 3 months trapped by choice behind that brick wall. I guess by mid-decemeber the little slot began to grow bigger. Big enough for someone to crawl through. And they started coming to visit me. Slowly but surely they did. And bit by bit they helped me take down my wall. They began to prove to me that I was not to blame. I was merely putty in another person's hands. They showed me that the world needed me. It just wasn't the same without me. So I agreed to come back but at first I needed them as my crutches. I was just too weak to stand on my own. But eventually I gained my strength back. And I was beginning to pull my shattered self. back together. I needed plenty of duck tape to hold myself together while I healed. I couldn't be the same exact person I was when that wall went up. I was just too broken. Too confused. Too hurt. To be the same person. I needed some new parts. And as soon as I obtained those new parts the healing process began. The ink of my emotions began to pour out onto paper. And the fiber of who I am began to take root. All the answers to my questions became clear. And I was done healing for the time being. I was free again and it felt amazing, to be free again. I was done playing by the rules someone else had set for me. I wasn't going to be anybody's puppet any longer. There was no body who would take me down. None of them had the nerve and even the few that did try didn't succeed. I was done being told who I was going to be, by people that had no right to control my life. I wasn;t putty in anybody's hands anymore. I was simply me and that was the end of it. I'm glad that I took down that inconvient wall because it got in the way of my living my life. I don't wish for it to not have happened because then a strip of my being would be ripped away from me. Sometimes we need the reality check to prove to ourselves that we're wrong and that it's never too late to right your wrong.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-3486298009618740662010-08-08T12:29:00.000-07:002010-08-25T12:35:55.791-07:00Life is Too ShortAlthough I haven't been around too long I sure know that living in the moment is the key to a happy life. You're not always gonna make decisions that you'll be proud of. But that isn't the end of the world. We make mistakes and plenty of them. We do things we regret, things we wish we could take back. But in the end we can't and all we can do is move on. Some of us are better at that than others but we all cope in our own ways. Whether it be pushing those mistakes to the back of your mind and trying so hard to forget about it. Like me. or face up to th fact that you've done something wrong and move on. But that's not how my life works so thats not how this piece is gonna go. I've spent the majority of my life running. Runnning from all the mistakes I've made. Believe it or not I ran. I wanted nothing to do with the mistakes I made. But some where along the way something changed. Something imporant. I wish that I knew what but even I don't know what that change was. Boy, do I wish I knew unfortunately I don't. I've learned running gets you no where, no matter how fast or how far you go. You'll always end up in the same place. It's a fact of life that many of us neve face up to. I guess if I had to take a guess at this change I would probaly guess the time when I began to feel again. The time when my full burden was released upon me and I cracked under the weight. The burden wsa simply too much for me to bare. And I started crying myself to sleep over what my life had become. I couldn't take it. It was just too much. Crying helped to the extent that it lessened my burden for a mere moment in time. After a while it was impossible to go on with a nice fake smile on my face. It just didn't work. I couldn't hide behind the mask of fake well being any longer. So I didn't. I just stopped and embraced the life I had. The life I couldn't fight against. It was was just too strong, too sure that I could make it through my rough patch. It kept pushing me forward despite my protests and my begging. It just kept going even if it had to carry me to get where I was going. And despite evreything I did it was right. I made it through with plenty of scratchs and bruises but not completely whole. It could only help me so much the rest I had to do by myself. Life wasn't made simple or easy. It has many twists and turns and plenty of bumops that are unavoidable. Life's too short to dwell on the things we can't control, can't change. It's too short to spend a lot of time on the stupid things. Now here's my advice to you: take the little moments and them plenty big. Make them moments you would gladly relive. Time goes by dast so embrace the time you have when you have it. because you'll never get it back.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-77023492338433573612010-07-30T05:30:00.000-07:002010-07-30T05:33:59.813-07:00Inspirational Beyond My Wildest DreamsThis is a video of two sisters with CF (cystic fiberiosis) who were told from when they were little that they would never sing and they beat the odds of that by a lot. I'm not sure how many of you are watching america's got talent this season but I know from now on I sure am. How could i resist to watch these two amazing girls presue their dreams and beating the odds set for them. How amazing<br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7s7CtPGeEbo&feature=player_embeddedDelanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-78639962184210392752010-07-13T09:58:00.000-07:002010-07-13T10:42:50.729-07:00Something Definitly Worth ReadingThe poem I'm about to present is my favorite and touchs me all the time. Well I hope you life it! <br /><br /><em>I had closed the door upon my heart <br />wouldn't let anyone in,<br />I had trusted and loved only to be hurt<br />but, that would never happen again <br /><br />I had locked the door and tossed the key as far <br />as far and as hard as I could,<br />love would never enter there again <br />my heart was closed for good. <br /><br />Then you came into my life <br />and made me change my mind<br />just when I thought that tiny key<br />was impossible to fine<br /><br />That's when you held out your hand<br />and proved to me I was wrong<br />Inside your palm was the key to my heart...<br />You had it all along </em><br /><br />I've always loved this poem since the minute I read it. Just so you know I didn't write it. I somehow acquired it during a contest I was in charge of and totally fell in love with it. I keep it by my bed so I can always look at it. So I can always keep it close to my heart. So I know hope never disappears completely. It only gets lost or confused but it never dies. Hold onto you key and keep it close.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-348487304289805182010-07-13T09:42:00.000-07:002010-07-13T09:49:26.690-07:00Poetry #2Well I liked poetry so much that I decided I'd continue writing a couple pieces a month but nothing tyed to an exact schduele because i've learned that is just too much work but I'll try my best! So here are this week's poems:<br /><br /><strong>Enjoy </strong><br /><em>Enjoy life's never ending happiness<br />Enjoy the blessings we are given <br />Enjoy our unfortunate sorrows<br />Enjoy the time we have<br />Enjoy the people you hold dear<br />Ejoy the moments and memories we'll never forget <br />Enjoy what you hate the most<br />Enjoy the happiness of others <br />Enjoy the moments while you have them<br />Enjoy life's simple pleasures</em><br /><br /><br /><strong>My Reflection</strong><br /><br /><em>It was as if it was overnight<br />I woke up and didn't regonize<br />the face looking back at me.<br /><br />Choclate brown eyes<br />Crazy Curly dark brown hair<br />Were still there <br />But that was pretty much it<br />I liked it <br />But I hated it<br /><br />I wanted to look in the mirror<br />And see what I wanted to be <br />Not what nature had given me <br /><br />I wanted to see a person <br />I couldn't be. <br />A person I would never be.<br /><br />One day I looked at ny reflection again\<br />And decided <br />If this is gonna be who I am then<br />I guess I like it </em>Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-22845886636431200822010-07-13T08:12:00.001-07:002010-07-13T09:30:45.017-07:00Maybe<strong>I wrote this piece a couple of weeks back so it's not really written in a present tense just wanted to clarify </strong><br />My first week of summer has been offically awful! And to think I thought this was gonna be the summer of my life. Ya right! Looks like I was wrong again like I've seemed to be quite often lately. I've spent hours sitting in front of the tv or computer ad I'm just totally sick of it. It's <em>so</em> boring. ButI don't feel like calling people to make plans because I've begun to feel as though maybe nobody really enjoys having me around. Maybe they just put up with me. And maybe summer is their chance to get rid of me. I feel like if nobody's gonna make the effort to call me to hang out then why even bother because clearly they just don't care enough aren't willing to waste one stinkin minute with me when they don't have to. Yes maybe I'm over reacting. Who knows? I seem to do that quite a bit. Who cares? I just kinda feel defeated by my own sorrows. My own worries. But who cares I'm just some lonely girl who writes on this stupid blog to make herself feel better. As if it could patch up and heal all my battle wounds. As if.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-63670202361900131122010-07-12T19:10:00.000-07:002010-07-13T08:11:03.771-07:00What I Wish I KnewI wish I knew that there is a bad side to everyone. I wish I knew that trying hard gets you far. And that good intentions pave the road to hell. But in the time I've had I've learned that good intentions are not enough. You have to mean what you say and say what you mean. When you lie your not helping anyone even if your lying to protect someone. Truthfully your just hurting them. I wish I knew that even a good day can turn bad in an instant. But I know now. And sometimes it makes me look over my shoulder after a good day making the day a little bitter sweet. I wish I knew time is a blessing. A gift that we sometimes don't take a second glance at. We sometimes forget about and take for granted. A lot of people would pay good money for the gift of time. The gift we often find ourselves wasting. The gift we can't live without. What teenagers today don't realize is that being bored is a luxury. A luxury we take for granted. If your bored do something about it clean your room, read a book! No matter how unappealing those things sound they'll help you and can end up being fun. If you think cleaning your room is boring turn on your stereo, flip on your ipod. Put music on it definitly helps and on top of that I reccomend it. That counts for something right? But I think your starting to get my message. That one moment is all you have. Enjoy it and live it. If I could have so many moments back I would. But in life we get no redos. No do overs. So all we can hope for is a "better luck next time" sorta thing. We'll have the knowledge when that next time moment desends upon us. So to all of you reading good luck next time!Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-39976154944390045742010-07-12T07:57:00.000-07:002010-07-12T19:10:35.426-07:00I Just Want You to Know.....How much you hurt me.How much I wish I could change time. How much I wish she never existed. How much I still hate you. How much I miss you. How hard it's become for me. That you helped make me who I am today and you'll always be in my heart no matter what happens between us. And finally I'll never forget you. So many people have touched me and most of these people are as distant to me as japan is to new england. But none the less they touched me just as much as my close friends have. Your social status, feelings towards me, and everything in between don't matter to me. But all the people I've come across on my never ending path of life have all touched my heart and helped mold me. Whether their influence be positive or negative I'm grateful for them. Because without them I wouldn't be who I am today. Who knows if you'd even be reading this. The people who I hate have touched me more than they will ever know. They've shown me the person I don't want to be. The person I'll never let myself be. Sometimes I feel like people think I've got my life figured out. What I want to do. Where I'm going. Who I'm gonna be. But like any teenager I don't. I just play the never ending game of life day by day. Taking on whatever life throws at me and dealing with it. Yes I'm not perfect so I tend to stumble from time to time. Make mistakes. Believe it or not there's so much about my life I regret. Parts of my life I never want to relive. Those are the moments I bury deep in my backyard. The moments I'll find myself digging up someday because their pain will no longer hurt me. I just want you to know that I know that sometimes all you can do is your best and from now on I'm excepting that. I'm excepting that from everybody that's all I can expect. Thank you for being there when I needed you and for making your own mistakes.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-24854577053268079492010-07-02T20:07:00.000-07:002010-07-02T20:24:38.989-07:00SometimesSometimes things don't always go as planned. Sometimes you just can't understand. And sometimes it's too late. Too late to redeem yourself. Too late to change the past. Too late for second chances. Too late to fix what you messed up. Sometimes you have to except faliure and move on because that's all you can do. Faliure is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength because it shows that your willing to risk falling. And anybody who is willing to risk falling gains the most respect in my eyes each and everyday. They prove to me that standing tall and strong as themselves is more important to them than stupid things like what others think, their reputation and so much more than that. I've learned quite recently that some people would much rather judge without knowing and then passing them off not even waiting to see what they're missing. People go through life and they're presented with so many opprotunity's endless amounts. And many we find ourselves passing up. But sometimes we come across one or two that we accept whether it be because we like what we're seeing or because we care enough to dig a little deeper. And other times we find ourselves letting go of the opprotunites we had previously chosen for ourselves. We have so many choices and decisions we often find that much of ourselves is slipping through the cracks in the process. So that when we see something we like better than the first thing we let the first thing slam in our faces loosing that opprotunity. And when we realize we really don't want the second thing it's already too late. We've let the first thing slip through the cracks. In life we make one choice. There are no compromises or maybes. We set out on a path where everything in the present is your only choice and everything in the path is too late to retrive. I wish I could stress to you the importance of one decision. But it would be no use considering we all make that mistake once in our life whether it be now or later. It will happen and we just have to except it. That's the only way outDelanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-83464609590580587232010-07-02T19:56:00.000-07:002010-07-02T20:07:32.488-07:00You Need to Knowthat you don't always get your way. That your not always right. And finally that you can't just run away from your problems. Someday they're gonna catch you. You can't just expect your problems to disapper because you ran away. Because unfortunately your problems have legs too. As werid as it sounds and they will chase you trust me. Been there,done that. And I learned that facing your problems gets you a whole lot further than running ever will. Sometimes you don't know everything. You can think that all you want but that will never make it true. Life doesn't always go as planned. Unfortunatley it has a mind of it's own. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. And that fate decides where you'll go in life. And that only God knows the true reason why. Why things happen the way they do. Why people end up the way they do. And why things don't always go our way. I've learned through many hard times that when the wind blows, turning your back to it is a sign of weakness and when a volcano erupts and you stand strong. You die a hero for being brave enough to put yourself out for being fearless ( or an idiot that can be debated). But either way I'd want to die a hero more than die someone with far too many holes in their life that they could never repair.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5195495920193630743.post-44181644131078563662010-07-01T12:26:00.000-07:002010-07-02T12:21:58.768-07:00I Miss YouThere's so many people in my life that I miss dayly. They're the people I never stop thinking about. The people I want back in my life. The people that never die in my eyes. The people I want back in my life. The people that I shed the most tears over. I miss my two best friends who understood me completely. They never ceased to amaze me. But unfortunately they're long gone and my window of oppritunity has long closed. But my tears shed over them were not wasted ones. Because on my part it showed my ability to care for another. But what they did to me showed the true cruelty of man. How heartless and souless we can be from time to time or even for a prolonged period of time. Now that is something I do not miss at all. But some how I miss my two best friends that I knew before all of this. The two easy-going girls I used to walk to every arts class with. The two girls that I missed terribly after arts period was over. The same two girls that changed me and ruined me forever. The two girls that I'll never look at the same way again. The girs that I knew are definitly lost forever. Because after the day they made the choice to run away from their problems they took their truly evil forms. I'll never forget the moment that I realized they weren't what I needed anymore not what I wanted. I'll indeed miss the people they were but it's time that I except the people they are now. I mean I'm still learning the concept of forgive and forget. Truthfully I'm better at forgetting than I am at forgiving. Yes I'm a good grudge holder. If I find a reason to hate you, you better run for cover because because it ain't gonna be a pretty picture. Trust me, not pretty. I'm not perfect and I feel like sometimes people think I am. That people think I've got life figured out. That I've got everything figured out and newsflash I don't! I miss th simple life I used to lead the life that didn't have problems beyond my best friend exculding me at recess. Now I'm beginning to see that complicated doesn't always work. Learning is not limited to books and classrooms. Learning is unlimited. We learn where ever we go with whatever we do. Being open to life in general opens your heart and mind to learning. So open your heart and your mind to the unknown parts of life.Delanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03405530320410095794noreply@blogger.com0