Friends

I have always thought of friends as people you would go to great lengths to protecvt but over the course of this school year I have learned a lot about friendship. I've learned what it means to be a good friend, and which battles are worth fighting and which aren't. Although I have also learned how hard it is to give up friends you despartely care about. One example I must share is one of my interenal battles. I have one friend that I care about and would do anyhting for but suddenly I have to be something I'm not for her just so I can live up to her standards. She's defiently not the person I know. Although now and then I seee her again she never stays long enough so that I can hold on and never let go. I can NEVER get a word in when she's around. I would love to stop being friends with her and see how she takes it but I know that would cause way more of a problem within our group than there already is. Everybody except one person notices how distant we've been lately but only I see what really keeps us part I won't tell anyone what that is because I'm afraid that they'll be mad at me even though therese more to it then just what I would say in one word. What hurts me most is that I suffer everyday and just put on a happy face and act as though I'm not screaming on the inside. Friends are also people you trust with your life and out of all my friends I only trust 3 of them 3! All I want at this point is for someone to LISTEN to me, to pull awat the mask that holds me back and show me what I'm not seeing.

Just Joking

Has anybody ever siad something hurtful and then said just joking? Have you noticed that even when they say this it doesn't take away the hurt that it leaves you feeling. I personally hate it when people do this because sometimes it just isn't funny and some people just don't get that. If someone does this tell them um that really isn't funny never apologize because YOU didn't do ANYTHING. people who do this often aren't aware of what they're saying. Well some are theres nothing you can do about that so just ao what is possible for you. Anyway joking is fun sometimes but you must always take into fact that it may be offensive to some people.

Maturity

Have you ever thought of yourself as mature and then look back to see what you've done? A lot of my friends say that they're mature comparing themselves to other people. I disagree with them on some occasions because do YOU see mature as screaming "EWWW!!!" when milk spills into your friends lap? Or even the flinging of one quarter sized drop across the table by accident. During these times you wonder is this girl seriously 13 years old or is she really like seven? Cause I recall a good MATURE friend offering to help clean up the mess I just made as a 13 year old. People who are cruel and for some reason permantely etched in your brain are not mature. People who handle things with dignity and grace are truly mature people in my eyes. It's all in the way you handle each stiuation that matters.

Truth

Most all of you have probaly heard the ruth and the truth alone will set you free. I've always thought that to be ture due to the fact that things seem to get better when you tell the truth or even just face up to your actions. Without truthfulness our world would be absoulutely nothing. We cannot run our world on lies because then there is no trust which would be a lot like trying to walk on water. Truth is the foundation of everything around us if you hadn't noticed. I can list just about a million things depend on truth for survival healthy relationships, good friendships, successful governments, happy careers you get the picture! I've had a hard time with friends lately cause they've been trying to convince me to walk on water and except the crappy excuses and lies they feed me. I am the type of person who is dependent on truth in my life because I especially need it therefore I get fed up when people feed me excues and lies. Truth may never actually physically set you free but will always leave you feeling just a little bit lighter

Chances

How many times have you been given a second chance by anyone? Have you ever thought that you could run out of chances? I've given out soo many chances never thinking of the impression I would make. People just think that they can be like please please forgive me and they have an automatic ticket back into my life. But lately I've been getting sick of it. I've had ENOUGH and will no longer give out chances to people who don't deserve my prescense. I may seem a bit conceited when saying this but wouldn;t yuou when someone has literally been ripping out your heart and stepping on it for longer than I can remeber? Some people deserve chance and others don't because osme are willing to prove themselves well others just want in so they can cause you more pain.

Excuses

Have you ever gotten an excuse that seems well like a lie?Therse absolutely no good reason behind it? I personally hate these and can see right through them. They bother me in the sense that I don't understand how a close friend in my cas can lie straight out to your face. I believe that excuses are just right out lies since they have NO good reasoning to support them. In my mind therefore they are straight out lies! Nothing good comes from them I personally ended a friendshi[ interaily because of them. I'm also in the midst of doing that again because of them. People you care about should never make excuses without good reasons otherwise they are not worthy of you or your respect.

Immortailty

Have yo ever thought how amazing it would be to live forever? See everything throughout history? I've always thought immortailty was overated becayse what good does it do you to live forever what beneifits do you gain from it? I have always wanted a nice full life and to eventually die and take my rightful place in heaven and finally find out what my purpose is here on earth. You've all probaly heard of the undieing vampires that are always mad to look amazing when really all you would live would be a life full of torture and anxiousness knowing that you'll never die even when the world ends and you'll have no place to go. Althougn many of you who knows me knows that my daily dreams/wants are quite simple. I don't have some hug extravagant life planned for myself ahead. I just want to let life take it's toll like it's supposed to. I want to experenice many things that's for sure but if I don't I won't be worried because I know that dreaming was overrated anyway.