Monday, May 31, 2010
It Finally Hurts
It hurts to be me. It hurts to feel like you've lost who you are. It hurts to be lost and scared. It hurts to feel like everything you've ever had or wanted is gone now. Poof it disappered into thin air. That's how I'm really feelinglike I've lost everything. But when I look around me I have everything. But when I look again it's gone. When I came home from swimming today I wanted to cry and cry. Because I hate who I've become. I don't like her. I wish she never existed. I wish I could've been smart and taken the easy way out to do what I was born to do. But I gave it all up and took the stupid way out. And now I have to live with it whether I like it or not. I finally feel the pain for everything I've ever done. I'm getting what I deserved big time. I think I defiently desereve it. I've let myself waste away for too long and I'm done. I understand now you have to fight for what you want. I don't know how to be myself anymore. I feel like every part of me is gone. I feel like I don't deserve anything anymore. Like I'm worthless. Everyday at least once my heart sinks to my knees and I just want to break down and cry. I don't want to talk. I want to be alone. Alone with my thoughts, my books, my writing. Alone is every sense of the word. But I guess I'm too loved for people to give up on me that quickly. They know that although I'm broken and battered I'm still the same girl they know I just need a little bit more work to put back together again.