Monday, December 6, 2010
Painted out of the Picture
At the beginning of the summer I told myself this would be the summer of my life. I assumed you and I were still close. But I was so wrong. I was nothing to you anymore. But of course I didn't know that. It made me think maybe you didn't want to be friends with me either, but you didn't have the guts to tell me. Did you know that we're judged all by the choices we make rather than the person we actually are. Your reputation is made up of the choices you make. And I hate to break it to you, but this time you chose wrong. I'm never going to be able to look at you the same way again. But I guess I knew this long before, this happened we weren't walking paths that intersected anymore. It was too late, there was no reset button, no magic fix it buttin. There was no way to fix it at all. We both knew that but we just couldn't bring ourselves to face that reality. Our friendship was done and long past over. We both knew it too. And now I wish I had told myself the truth. Maybe I didn't because I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to let go of the past because the future seemed so uncertain. But the truth is it's always been like that but in this instant I didn't see a future for you and me. So I held on as tight as I could. But that just made it harder to let fo. I'd love to tell you all it ended in a clean break. But it simply didn't. Our break was jaged. It has many cracks and now there are pieces missing. We can never be fit together in the same way again. Our frienship is just too broken to ever be fixed. Our picture is just too faded. When I look back at the memories you've given me, the good and the bad, I wouldn't want them any other way. You have helped me be who I am now and I thank you for that. No matter how much I loath you now. To be truthful. I don't hate you, I could never hat you, but I don't respect who you are now. I always thought I knew you, but now your not you. There's something missing, some tiny little glitch, and it's not my job to fix it. No matter how much I want to, but I can't, it's not my problem. Your no longer part of my picture. Sometimes I question if you ever really were. But then I look back and see the picture with the little white blob where your face used to be. Where you were painted out of my picture. Sweetie I hate to break it to you but it works both ways. The thing about pictures is there's nothing you can hide everything is there in your smile, everything shows in your eyes. And pictures are made of paper so you can smply rip them down the middle and be done with it. That's kind of like what you did except you didn't want to ruin your perfect world with something as messy as ripping. So you simply painted over me and that's really all there was to it.