Alone

Now decisions have been made whether we realize it or not. Everybody keeps telling me how they want it like it was long ago but unfortunately that window of opportunity closed a good while a go. It closed when they shut me out. When they broke my heart. When they murdered a part of me. A part of myself that I wish I could still have. When I think back to what they did, I still shed a few tears. because I never really forgot and I never really forgave. I pushed it to the back of my thoughts like I do with all of my hurtful memories. I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I don't want to be a part of most things anymore. I want to be left alone to my tears and sorrow, left to my problems. I don't want to talk to many people and a lot of people don't know me well. They think they do or they wish they did but that just isn't enough. I just want everybody to understand sometimes I just need ti be left alone with my problems. I don't like people who think they know it all. They think they know everything when in reality they don't. I don't like tag alongs and I hate copycats in some situations. This whole blog started from an idea that sparked after reading a favorite book but now it's turned into so much more. It's now like my entire life written down. And from it I've realized that my passion is to write. That's my form of communication. Writing. I write alone and most of the time I much prefer to be alone. Maybe it's because of the first 9 years of my life I was typically alone. I was really quiet. Now every body's amazed at how much I talk but I had my time for talking and I don't feel like it anymore. I feel like being who I am again not who I've forced myself to be. The girl that always knew the right thing to say. The girl that thought she could do anything, be anybody. The girl that thought friends lasted forever. But boy was she wrong. It wasn't because she pushed them away but because they pushed first and she pushed back. And that caused a crack way too deep to filled again. At this point I've been hurt many times and I don't trust many people because in the end they always come back to bite.