Oppsy!

SMACK!
That was all it took for me to snap back to reality. My face stinging in hurt, in rage, in confusion. Who knew what my fate would lead to? The betrayl of the person I'd always trusted. Maybe I should've seen it coming considering her attutiude towards me all year long has been awful and almost makes me want to not've ever met her. This whole entire year I've never seen her be a good friend once to me. Never not once. To me there's a devil hidden behind those innocent eyes. The girl I wisj I'd known was there all along. So that somehow I would've been prepared. So that somehow I would've seen it coming. Writing this I don't even think I should forgive her. It only built up to this and somehow I know that this time maybe I just shouldn't forgive her. I give her so many chances already. Could this really be my last straw? Does she really deserve a millionth chance? Is it definitly a chance worth giving? I guess you could say I have a soft heart. I forgive people too easily sometimes and they don't always deserve it. It isn't fair to me because in the end it just deepens my never healing wound. The wound that always stands as a constant reminder to me that life indeed hurts sometimes. I've learned that life has it all planned out for us. It seeks us out and makes us look in the mirror. Makes us see what we protected ourselves from. What we didn't see. What we hope to never see again. My final words to my diligant readers are as follows many people say don't judge a book by it's cover but even open books tell lies; are unclear or puzzling and even they can betray you

Poetry

I've recently taken a brief liking to poetry and wrote a few pieces and yes they are definitly not typical poetry so please enjoy!

Poem #1: How

How do you expect me to understand
when you won't even let me in?

How do you know who I am
when your never there to talk to?

How can you be so cruel
when I keep giving you chances?

How can you expect me to there forever
when your never there for me?

How do you know next time you need me
I'll even be there?

How can you live with yourself knowing how
you just ruined someone's day?

How do you know there will even be
a next time?

How don't you know that some day
I'll run out of chances and be
done waiting?

How do you know? How can you know?


Poem # 2: Why

Why do tears come to my eyes
when I think about what you do?

Why do you cause me so much
pain?

Why must you do what you do?
Is it really nessary?

Why can't I ever speak?

Why am I never good enough for you?
Never important enough?

Why must you shut me out
when your all I really need?

Why do you keep going
even when I scream stop?

Why do you never seem to understand?

Why will you never see how much your actions will eventually cost you?

A Friendship

A Listener

A Fighter


Poem # 3: Now

Now lines are way past drawn

Now I wish I could do it all over again

Now I wish you didn't hate me

Now it's too late

Now I wish it wasn't

Now I wasnt to thank you for everything

For being there all those years

And now for showing me what I'm not missing

Now I want you to know

That who you once were is not who you are now

And when I look in the mirror

I keep looking at the person you created

The person that grew despite the times

you put her in the dark


So that's it I wrote those for the best friend that I thought I knew but was too stupid to realize that the girl standing in front of me wasn't the same one standing there 3 years ago they may share the same body but they're definitly not the same person.

NewsFlash!

I'm not perfect and no duh I haven't got life figured out. I'm not good at the whole forgive and forget thing. I'm wayy better at forgetting than I am at forgiving. I don't think I'm like the coolest person in the world and maybe my personaitly comes off like that sometimes. But really I just don't care what people think about me. If can't except me for who I am then I'm not gonna give a damn about you. So understand this don't like me than don't bother hanging around with me and if you choose to except me don't treat me like a rat off the street. I can't change where I come from who my family is what decisions my parents make for me. So if your gonna give me crap about that then you're not a true friend. I can only change what I have control over and that doesn't mean I'm gonna change for you because I don't live up to who you want me to be. I'll be who ever I want to be. Don't like who I've chosen to be then just leave me alone because unfortunately not everything's about you all the time.